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I'd throw myself in front of a speeding train but it's not a time machine.

When things are going bad we tend to think how things can be different and ask the question, “what if?”. If only things were different then we could be happy right?

Fiction authors usually think in terms of how history occurring slightly differently, and as a result, the story now has a new setting and they are free to write their story as they’d like. Authors who rely heavily on this style are called alternate history authors.

I think about what if I stayed with my dad longer when I was young and I could have been a mini tycoon.

I think about how I could have completed my college and didn’t have to self study or undergo trial and error in almost everything.

I think about how I could have done differently at any point in my work and reach more success in employment.

I think about a hundred things to change with my previous relationship with Ish and that things may have turned differently.

I think about how I could be braver or smarter when I made my decisions in the past and perhaps enjoyed the results of my wise decisions earlier.

I would love to get Ish back, be more successful at my work, or projects or have avoided failure.

I wish that was all true and things have turned out differently.

I wish…

I get hurt at the thought of people calling me a failure or leaving me because I sometimes think I am one.

Now back to reality.

I’m going to face failure in life and people who become more successful seem to have faced it more often than everyone else. Failure was never final in my experience. My perception of time is limited so when things go bad, it looks really bad but it’s not always the truth. When I look at things at a different point of view things could be worse but I made I through. They say every new day I wake up is a gift from God, I believe that too and realize I should act accordingly. I think about times that I should have been destroyed, figuratively and literally. It did not happen.

I’m thinking that I’m thinking about all these great things and solutions for my past but the reality is, I don’t have a time machine. Now that I think about it, I’m not too confident my past self will believe wisdom from the future or maybe my future self could figure out ways to convince my past self but that’s all irrelevant.

I’m thinking about this consulting session I had in the past with an expert who called me a failure. I admired his advice because he was wealthy and influential but now that I think about it he wasn’t doing too well with his health or his relationships either.

I think of the word failure and what it really means for me. Failure is an opportunity to do better.

I can continue fantasizing about an alternate history and now I realize, I can start writing my new history. Sure, I lost things in the past. I receive a thousand opportunities a day, maybe I could get those things back or maybe I could do better. At this point I realize, I’d like to enjoy the story as it unfolds and not spoil the surprise.

Are you also thinking about alternate history? What would you do now that we realize that changing the past requires a time machine?