Last night I prayed for an answer. I’ve been depressed for a bit over seven months because I broke up with the princess of far far away because she was asking for time to decide if she wanted to continue our relationship. Exactly five years ago, I was taken from her by a werewolf princess who did one of the nicest things a mortal could do for me. Despite wanting to keep me as her pet and despite me wanting to stay with her she returned me to the princess of far far away because she believed I would live happily ever after with her. The princess of far far away gave me another chance to come back despite knowing I was now part monster. Five years of happiness with the princess of far far away then bang! Prince charming from her childhood slipped in from no where with the support of her grade school friends did something that affected her. It’s as if a curse was cast and she no longer saw me as other than an ogre. I thought true love would break the curse bit it wasn’t enough. I thought effort, determination and willpower will work but it won’t. When we broke up the princess of the land of werewolves returned just to tell me to never lose her again before disappearing completely with her mate. Which reminds me that she sill owes me pizza. I also owe my food buddy a drink at Starbucks because her prediction of my future was right and I didn’t listen to her. And I was like Naruto, never going back on my word and saying you gotta give up believing I’ll ever give up. I just told Kaye that I’ll give up on the princess of far far away as soon as Naruto gives up on wanting to bring Sasuke back.
I handled the situation calmly as she said goodbye. I felt the pain and panic shortly after we parted. The hard part for me was that I made sure no curse could turn me away from her. Now I feel the need to get that remove because honestly, I still feel the same love for her a the day she took me back from before. The truth is, nothing is permanent. Last year, I untethered from a lot of thing this is the hardest one to let go of. I made all my decisions based on what will make our relationship continue. It isn’t enough.
Nothing I say or do is. When she decides it’s usually permanent.
When God breaks something it’s in order to create something new. I don’t know what’s next. I’d love to stay with the princess of far far away, but it looks like I’m about to be uprooted and will be planted elsewhere. Where it will be? I don’t know. My inner darkness asks how I can afford to bleed love when I’ve been stabbed in the back? I don’t know the answer.
Despite all my minimal changes, that’s been the only one that’s consistent with me. What’s this answered prayer? I prayed for God to break me, and to change me, so He can use me. I know that He will take care everything for me just as He strongly supported all, who’s hearts are completely His. I wonder what’s next but I’ll just leave it in God’s hands.
Last night I prayed for an answer and surprisingly enough, I got one.
What of me? It hurts but love takes over and I go on and all the hurt and the pain are set aside. I’ll let you know if anything changes. Till next time princess of far far away who also happens to be my first and favorite reader.
I’m sure I’ll still have access to you, but I’ll miss spending most of my time with you. You’ll probably hear something I usually say but I won’t say it here and I’ll just let you imagine it.
I’d love to hear an answer :)