The past seven months had bouts of joy and depression. Despite that, nothing catastrophic really happened. Whenever trouble comes I either miss it by an inch or it doesn’t put me permanently down when it hits me. I don’t push my luck and I don’t cower in fear either. Many people compliment or complain about how relaxed I am. As much as I’d like to brag that it’s just how I am the truth is that it’s not. I worry too. My realization that God is in charge of everything and all things and that He loves me and is after my highest good puts me at ease most of the time. When it doesn’t, I receive the same message through reading the Bible, watching Naruto, random encounters with friends and other people that remind me that God is in control, He loves me and doesn’t make mistakes. So there’s pretty much no escaping this line of thinking for me at this point.
I recently lost my precious partner and closest friend. From the experience I learned that when God gives me a no there is nothing I can do to change that. I tried with all my power and all my skill but it didn’t do a thing.
I also learned that when God wants me to be somewhere I’ll be put there no matter how much effort I put to stop it.
I used to believe that when I want something I should simply go for it and blast away with all my power.
Now I wait for God. Now I know that I’ll blast away with all my power with His backup and His will, which has my best interest in mind will happen anyway so there’s no need to worry.
I’ve been asking for a lot of things. I have a hope that doesn’t die so I’m asking for clarity that His plans will be revealed and that I will be moved to take the right action whether I feel like it or not.