I previously discovered that my first reaction isn’t the my honest reaction but a prepared response from my past.
I also discovered that I’m a very slow thinker.
I often have conversations where, after listening to the other person I couldn’t think of what to say as a response.
If I respond immediately, or force myself to respond immediately, the result is usually a disaster.
Some of my immediate responses are silly, absurd, irrational or just stupid.
In a lot of cases, I may not have considered what you are actually trying to tell me but have stumbled accross a trigger word that upset me.
And my response is then 100% based on an upset version of myself.
In a lot of cases, I just say something incredibly offensive and the conversation escalates into an arguement.
I Struggle with High Agreeableness
People who score high on agreeableness are often warm, friendly and tactful. We have an optimistic view of human nature and get along with others.
Unfotunately agreeableness and thinking of the other person’s interest and well being, taken too far results in the creation of harmful and often toxic conditions and relationships.
I make myself too available to requests.
I try to help in any way I can.
I have accepted work that is unprofitable and unsustainable.
In some situations, I say something that puts me at a disadvantage.
I have agreed to terms where I am shouldering all the cost.
Being too nice has backfired.
Sometimes I’m just unable to say no and so on.
My current solution to high agreeableness is..
I need to answer to a proposal is to take time to consider, but if the other party insists that I answer immediately, my answer is a definite no.
If I’m also not “Hell Yeah!!!” about the proposal then my answer is another definite no.
How Slow Thinking Negatively Affects My Regular Conversations
When friends share interesting ideas, I usually don’t have a reaction until much later.
When someone asks me a deep question, I need time to think of an answer.
How Slow Thinking Negatively Affects My Buying Decisions
An example would be buying impulsively, not properly counting the costs involved and not negotiating.
I sometimes pay more than I can for products and service and other areas of my life suffer as a result.
How Slow Thinking Negatively Affects Career Decisions
I’ve had situations when I agreed to do the job without full consideration to.
I was once tricked by a former colleague to do a job for three hours and the actual time needed to do the job was thirty hours.
How my conversations turn into debates.
I often have the appropriate response, days, weeks and sometimes months after the conversation.
This discovery brought to my attention a tendency that I have to debate and embarrassingly, aggressively argue with people with points of view that I’m unfamiliar with or disagree with.
And whenever I’m debating I’m insensitive, stubborn and I don’t give up.
This is not a good combination.
I put in a lot of effort into being polite and to use appropriate words in the situation but some moments cause me react to flow with emotions and I lose control over what I say.
This post is inspired by Derek Sivers who already wrote about slow thinking.
Thank you for reading.
If you have a question or would like to say anything tweet or send me an email.