I realize that I’m a slow thinker.

I began to examine the way I react in different situations.

My first reaction is likely a reflex or based on past experiences, instead of an honest reaction.

The impulsive or emotional reaction does not represent how I genuinely think or feel about a situation, nor how I’d like to respond.

I struggle to come up with a response to certain topics or conversations, and when I force myself to respond in the moment, the result is often disastrous.

My responses can be silly, absurd, irrational or just plain stupid.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve become more aware of my limitations in certain areas of knowledge. I now realize that it’s better to abstain from commenting on topics that I’m unfamiliar with, rather than giving uninformed opinions.

Additionally, there are times when I know my response to a topic would be offensive or unhelpful, and in those situations, I’m honest with myself and others by admitting that I don’t have anything valuable to add to the conversation.

I’ve also experienced situations where a particular trigger word upsets me, making it difficult for me to focus on what the other person is saying. As a result, my response being entirely based on an upset version of myself, leading to offensive comments and escalating arguments.

I’m consciously working on being more mindful of my reactions and taking the time to consider my response before reacting impulsively.

I Struggle with High Agreeableness

People who score high on agreeableness are often warm, friendly, and tactful. People like me have an optimistic view of human nature and get along with others.

However, when taken to an extreme, agreeableness can result in harmful and toxic conditions and relationships. This is something I’ve struggled with personally.

Unfortunately, although agreeableness and prioritizing the other person’s interest and well-being are generally positive qualities, when taken too far, they can result in the creation of harmful and often toxic relationships conditions.

I have a tendency to make myself too available to others and to prioritize their needs over my own, even when I have more important things to do. As a result, I’ve accepted work that is unprofitable, unsustainable, and makes me unhappy.

In some situations, I’ve also agreed to terms that put me at a disadvantage or shouldered all the costs myself.

Being too “nice” has sometimes backfired on me, and there have been times when I’ve been unable to say no to a request out of consideration for the other person.

My current solution to high agreeableness is:

I make a conscious effort to request sufficient time to carefully consider a proposal before giving a response.

If the other party pressures me for an immediate response or I feel uncomfortable with the situation, I will decline the proposal without hesitation.

I believe it’s better to reject an opportunity than to jump into one without careful consideration.

I’ve learned that declining an opportunity is often the best decision, especially when I haven’t fully evaluated it.

If I’m not “Hell Yeah!!!” about the proposal, my answer is another definite no.

How Slow Thinking Negatively Affects My Regular Conversations

When friends share interesting ideas, I usually don’t have a reaction until much later.

When someone asks me a deep question, I need time to think of an answer.

How Slow Thinking Negatively Affects My Buying Decisions

Sometimes I buy things too quickly without thinking about how much they cost or if I really need them. This can make it harder for me to have enough money for things I really need later on. So I try to slow down and think more before I make a purchase.

How Slow Thinking Negatively Affects Career Decisions

Sometimes, I make decisions too quickly without thinking about all the important details that go into them. This has caused problems for me in my work. I once said yes to a job without really thinking about how much work it would be. This ended causing me a lot of stress and taking much longer than I anticipated. Someone I used to work with tricked me into doing a job that was supposed to take only three hours, but it actually took thirty hours.

I’ve learned that it’s important to take the time to carefully consider all the aspects of a decision before making a commitment, so that I can avoid situations like this in the future.

Update: I started working as a project manager and have learned skills to counterbalance this weakness. At my job, we work with a scope document where all the tasks and all the work hours are documented and agreed upon before work is accepted and initiated.

How my conversations turn into debates.

I often come up with the right thing to say long after the conversation has ended.

I took a free Myer’s Briggs Personality test and according to the result I’m an ENTP, also known as a Debater.

This made me realize that I tend to argue and debate with people who have different opinions than me.

I can be rude and stubborn in these situations and don’t give up easily whenever I’m debating.

Whenever I’m debating I’m insensitive, stubborn and I don’t give up.

This isn’t a good way to communicate.

I try my best to be polite and use the right words, but there are times when I get emotional and lose control over what I say.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I recognize that my slow thinking and high agreeableness have negatively impacted my personal and professional life.

However, I am actively working on these issues by taking the time to consider proposals before responding, saying “no” when necessary, and being more aware of my communication style.

I am also working on improving my ability to think on my feet and respond in a thoughtful and productive way during conversations and debates. By continuing to work on these areas, I am confident that I can improve my decision-making skills and build better relationships with those around me.

This post is inspired by Derek Sivers who already wrote about slow thinking.

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