I’m the type of person that’s easily bored. I’ve been talking about the “sweetness of doing nothing” and “taking it up another notch” recently that I began to learn to enjoy myself without really doing anything. Growing up as the kid with ADHD I’m finally able to still myself and mellow down and have fun with the process. I learned the value of being still, peace and quiet and the rest of the things old wise men enjoy. That’s how it’s been with myself but with others its a totally different story.
I talk a lot and I enjoy listening to other people talk to me. Silence and inactivity is rare when you’re with me. Its usually me telling you a story or you telling me a story or we’re just doing something together. My idea of spending time with people has to be an adventure along those lines. I’m not a party person and I prefer hanging out with just you or with a small group.
When I go out with my girlfriend we always do something or it has to be talking. I soon realized that like with a lot of people there are times when people don’t feel like talking but would still like to hang out. A couple of Sundays ago we did exactly that. We had breakfast, went to church, talked a little most of the time, went around the mall for a bit, accompanied her on the long way home, rested a bit, copied some movies she wanted to see to her laptop and we were quiet most of the time. We were not really talking a lot or doing anything just holding hands and being together which was a lot of fun.
Growing up in Manila, we’ve been bombarded by American Culture which means that having fun should involve an activity done together. ie watching tv, a movie, going online, talking, going to the mall or amusement park, going to the beach, shopping, etc. Having fun should mean an activity or an expense. The past several months I’ve sort of been stressed about “what to do?” on our weekly dates and gave me an idea that we have to try something new from a bucket list or something like that. The experience made me realize that the activities usually distract you from the person you’re with because you’re doing something.
From now on my dates will be:
Its going to be spontaneous and if we cant figure out what to do we’ll just enjoy each other’s company. Forget the activity. The activity is an excuse for me to be together with her and not the other way around.
I’ve been thinking and this doesn’t just apply to dates.
When you’re with your family just literally spend time with them. Nod dad and son fishing activity or family outing, malling and stuff like that. No agendas and stuff like that. Just spending time together. Try being with them without any plans or without any activities. This is going to sound wicked but one day everyone you care about will die and you won’t be able to do this again. You might feel like rushing this quiet togetherness situation but trust me you’ll miss this when they’re dead or they’ll miss it when you’re dead.
When you’re with friends do the same thing. Instead of being up and about all the time just enjoy each other’s company. Soon the’yll have families and you wont spend time together as much. Forget about the long trips. Just go hang out. Over coffee, food or over nothng. Just hang out. Talk or don’t talk just appreciate the moment.
When spending time with God. Just talk to him. Forget the memorized prayer, the gruelling bible study plan, and the meditation pose and the have to’s in your church’s to-do list. Just spend time and talk to God. Don’t feel like talking, praying or reading your bible at the moment? It’s okay hang out with Him.
Sometimes we feel like our relationships are our full time jobs that involves a grading/performance system consisting of requirements, duties and responsibilities and key-to-do items. They’re not. People are one of the best things about living in this planet. Act accordingly. Just be present because love is spelled as T-I-M-E. Don’t get me wrong this doesn’t mean you should spend more time at work. If you love your job produce your target result. Your job is not a person. You spend more time with people who matter and not with your job or anything else. Now stop reading this and spend more time with people who matter to you.