How To Lend Money To Your Friend If You're Extremely Agreeable
PRINCIPLES
I’m your friend. Do you want me to become your bank, or do you want to stay as my friend? I can’t be both. - Jim Rohn
The fastest way to make a friend disappear from your life is if you lend them money. - Robert Hern
I took the Big 5 personality test, and I came up with a score that indicates that I’m highly agreeable.
I read up on agreeableness and discovered that agreeable people are often taken advantage of by pushy or diplomatic people.
I look back at my history, and I probably lost enough money to buy a car loaning small amounts to friends and acquaintances.
I recently loaned money to my closest friend.
We’ve been close friends for seventeen years.
They borrowed money for someone they’re trying to assist.
A single mom lost access to her G-Cash account, and they just needed money to buy milk.
They said they’d return the money next week because they are only trying to fund the weekend expenses while they sort out the account issue on Monday.
They end up visiting me at work, and I reluctantly coughed up the money.
This is the same week I discovered agreeableness.
My first attempt to become disagreeable failed.
A year later, I’m still trying to collect.
My close friend showed up to all my outings and dinner parties but successfully dodged the questions I had about the money.
My friend also showed up to sell me random goods like gadgets they bought in excess.
I also bought food items that they’re selling for extra income.
I always bought to support my friend.
The pandemic hit everyone hard.
I also had my share of financial problems.
I made it part of my conversation with my friend that my sales are low.
I’m having difficulty making ends meet.
The best I could do at the moment is to “just pay my bills.”
I’m implying that I needed the money back but my friend didn’t seem to get the message.
I followed up again and again.
I was bummed out that neither my friend nor his partner was responding.
At around March, I realized that both of them weren’t even viewing my messages.
I asked both them publicly if they blocked me on our group chat.
I then blurted out the whole single mom needed to buy milk and couldn’t access her GCash account scenario.
I reminded them that they promised they to pay me back the next week, but it’s been over a year.
I also, in my frustration, blurted out that I buy everything that they sell me but when I’m asking for my money back I seem to be ignored.
The partner replied that they’d pay me back at the end of the month.
My close friend threw a fit, a sob story, promised to pay me back and after that its friendship over.
The amount was ₱3,000 for this friend of 17 years.
I was just asking for my money back.
I’ve loaned them larger amounts of money before, and they’ve paid back or communicated if they needed more time.
I’ve also saved them from sticky situations as they have saved me.
I was sure that my friend would pay me back, but the whole part where they’re ignoring my messages ended up upsetting me.
I don’t like how people say that you should lend money with the expectation that you’ll never get your money back.
The ONLY reason I’d feel comfortable lending someone money is that I’m confident that they’d pay me back.
You borrow something and you give it back.
I don’t have a self-talk in my head that “borrowers are losers who are waiting for their chance to betray me and that I should cut them off the first chance that I get.”
But maybe I should make this saying part of my thought process.
There seems to be a strong argument that I should.
I’ve borrowed money before because I didn’t have enough cash on the spot or accidentally left my wallet or card at home.
I’ve paid back immediately or as soon as I’m able to.
I go out of my way to pay back loans from friends.
That whole conversation just triggers the build-up of a lot of resentment in me.
I know that I hinted that I’m a church-going Christian, but I sincerely want to murder people with my bare hands on the spot, or at least, I fantasize about murdering people who owe me money on the spot in these situations.
I’ve experienced financial trouble with a lot of my money out of my reach because I loaned cash for my then friends, and none of my friends (or ex-friends) have returned my money, so I know how it feels to be bitter and resentful.
I then decided to consult my resentment.
What is a better option than NOT murdering my friends with my bare hands if they don’t return my money?
How do I protect myself from people taking advantage of me?
I’m writing this to build my system to protect myself from friends (or people pretending to be my friends) who are attempting to convince me to loan them money.
I’m sharing this because I read a study and noticed from personal experience that Filipinos are highly agreeable and will likely endure suffering at personal cost, never collect the loan payment, than to have a conflict with a friend.
THE PROCEDURE
Warn your friend that you’re not a bank.
You are their friend.
It’s a tricky situation to be both a friend and a bank.
However, the relationship will change when you loan them money.
You also transform into a complete asshole when they don’t pay on time.
If you have an acquaintance, friend or family member who’s a lawyer, cop, military, or other government employees, feel free to name drop.
Tell them in advance that you’ll ask for requirements.
Tell them before the loan that you’ll contact their character reference and escalate the issue to the barangay, the police, small claims court, and post their profiles on your website and social media if they do not pay you back at the agreed upon date.
That’s being said, here are the requirements.
REQUIRED DOCUMENTATION
Please take note that these are only documentations of the loan.
You need documentation for both your protection.
This documentation protects you from your friend denying the loan.
This documentation protects your friend from you inflating the loan amount.
However, the primary goal is to discourage people from borrowing money.
I’m not trying to teach you how to start a lending business.
- Loan Application Form
- Photos of Two Government Issued IDs.
- Photos of them holding their Government-issued IDs.
- Complete home address and permanent address. Include Google Maps screenshot.
- 3 loan reference.
- Location of nearest barangay.
- Location of the nearest police station.
- Signed loan application form.
- Collateral (ATM or Other Valuables)
- Social media profile. Screenshots. Conversations. Links to photos of their children. You’ll give them the terms and conditions.
1. Loan Application Form
The basic loan application form contains:
- Full name
- Present address
- Permanent address.
- Office number
- Contact number
- Name of manager.
- Payment term.
DATE: I am loaning AMOUNT. (INCLUDE THE INTEREST PAYMENT IN THE FINAL AMOUNT) I am loaning for REASON. I am paying the loan on or before DATE. I understand that I am liable to pay back the full amount.
PAYMENT TERMS:
I’m still building this part. Let me know if you have.
- Photos of Two Government Issued IDs.
Drivers License, Passport, Postal ID, Etc.
- Photos of them holding their Government-issued IDs.
This is for additional security.
- Ask for their complete home, office, and permanent address. Include Google Maps screenshot.
This is to make them easy to find.
- Three character references.
Name, address, contact number, relationship, social media profile, email address.
Inform these people that you’re about to release a loan and that you’re asking them if it’s okay for you to release a loan. Ask permission if you can call them to follow up in the event of a delinquent loan. If one of the references says no, use that as a reason to decline the loan.
- Location of nearest barangay.
Request for the Google maps. Ask for a Baranggay ID.
- Location of the nearest police station.
Request for the Google maps location.
- Signed loan application form.
Sign the form.
- Collateral (ATM or Other Valuables)
It’s always a good idea to receive some collateral. Whenever someone borrowed money from me, I ask them to leave their smartphone, laptop, or other valuables with me. Loans with collateral are often paid back promptly.
- Social media profile. Screenshots. Conversations. Links to photos of their children.
Worst case scenario is they run from you. You’ll post their photos on social media. 90% of the time, this doesn’t do anything. This just upsets people that you didn’t censor the faces of the children. This is a case of how a negative behavior can help you. If the parent wants to protect the children, they will pay you back. 90% of the time, nothing happens.
You’ll give them the terms and conditions.
You write your own terms and conditions.
This is what I have so far.
I’ll post a template of the final version when it’s done.
By the way, I forgot to tell you.
The purpose of this list/template is NOT to get people who borrow money to pay you back.
I hope people who push forward with this loan agreement pay you back.
I’m not teaching you how to run a successful loan business.
The main reason I’m building this is if another friend tries to have a “loan conversation with me” and I give them the spiel and the list of requirements, their response would be “Wow! Wag na lang!” and I don’t have to loan anyone money.
I’m building this as a tool to help me say “NO” to people.
In fact, I have a “NO” page to help reject people trying to recruit me to join MLM’s, sell shady investments, or sell me stuff I’m not interested in.
LINK TO MY NO PAGE https://olega.org/n
Let me know if you’re interested in the comments.
If you’re successful at collecting money from loans, what are your tips and thought processes for collecting money?
If you work in loans or have a business that loans money, what other steps do you take to ensure that you get paid?
If you’re one of those people who’ll say “just give them the money” or “don’t expect people to pay you back,” I don’t want to talk to you.
PLDTWIFIF400A
Thank you for reading.
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